Wake Up <3

ugh i slept in so late.
i woke up at 8 30 but strangely your ring tone was going off
did you call me at 8 30?
thats odd
but oh well.
the worse day to sleep in
ON EXAMS!!!
this just sucks!
but oh well i got my exam for 3rd hour done
im glad we did half of it yesterday other than all of it today!
oh boy would i have been in trouble.
i'm pretty sure i'm gonna pass all of my exams perfectly =]
okay well maybe not perfectly
but i will pass all of them i know it
i just wish that these exams were on the last day of school
that would be the best
i would pretty much piss my self if we got out right now
oh gosh. kidding!
well i get out of this class in 14 minutes or so
and right now i'm suppose to be doing a brochure
but i dont want to.
its too lame!
haha

ugh last night was the best
i was so glad that i didnt have dutch dance
but yet you still have to go to that with me
it will be a lot of fun
you'll get a good laugh
and you know you are in need of a good laugh
mmmm

mmkay so i'm not at school anymore
actually you're just about to get out of work
so this is my goodbye

Sleep With Me Tonight? <3

Blind <3

ugh again in 1st hour
only today we're in here for ass amount of hours
first hour exam but we dont have an exam in here
but i do have an exam in my 5th hour
stupid speaking
i think its really really gay
oh well
ugh shelby just told me the best and worse thing ever
RENT is comming March 4 and 5.
but its 1 on a school day
and 2 its during school
it broke my heart
i want to go to that
i love rent.
number 3 favorite movie
ugh i cant believe that i JUST remembered that we have a half day of school on friday
teehee you're gonna go to dutch dance with me
AND meet tuba
teehee im pretty much stolked.

You're A Trooper <3

I Wanna Love You Forever <3

so i actually missed a lot
i missed the start of my final exam project in first hour
we have to make this room for kidds like a day care kind of thing
but im gonna do an essay instead since i missed that class in day care of how to draw.
right now im suppose to be doing stuff for my project but im not
since im allow to turn it in before my third hour tomorrow =]
haha i rock
but im pretty nervous about my next hour
since i missed it
but i should be going

You're My Favorite <3

Wait For You <3

please please please come back
last night was the best.
but you had to leave
it hit me so hard
to know that you wouldn't be there
after i shut the door
i just want us to have our own place
so when i go to bed
i know that once i wake up
i will see you first thing
just knowing that you didnt leave my side all through the night
i need you here with me

I Love You So Much Timothy Steven Sepanik <3

Your Gaurdian Angle <3

i really have no idea what to write about today
nothing really has happened yet
but i watch the luner eclispe last night for so long
it bored me after a while
i dont like you working late
you should of been at my house watchin the moon with me =[
i was lonely
and for Saturday
we might not need your truck as much as i thought
we're bringing all of her stuff to Hamliton
and we have my dads truck to hall stuff with too
so hopefully we just need your muscles.
But my teacher is watching me
so i have to go

I Love You <3

One More Day <3

yikes. i didn't post a bulletin yesterday
and yesterday would of been a great day to
we had no school and i did NOTHING
but you never answered your phone when i called you
so therefore you suck!
mmm kidding
but today i really dont feel well
so again i didnt pay attention in Geometry
and first hour we made flubber
but it didnt turn out that well
so that was a bust
and in P.C. i had to do my presentation
[which im in that class right now]
how do you like going back to school there lovey?

So Excited For Saturday <3

Like The Rain <3

yuck school.
so im in 3rd hour
and my lovey doesnt have to go to school today.
im very jealous no school tomorrow either
WTF man! =]
but my alarm clock went off REALLY late today.
like at 6 30
and you didnt call =[
why didnt you call me today?
you said you would. i had to wake up uneasy =[
not fair baba.
but so far my days been good
in first hour we played with little kid toys
me and Shelby were freaking out.
we had so much fun
and then in Math we had a sub again
so i listened to my ipod all hour
but now i have no idea what we're doing in class
not such a good move.
ha ha.
and now in 3rd hour we're doing presentations.
but i have to do the SAME presentation in my next hour
FUCK!


Lets Re-Do Saturday <3

Don't Take The Girl <3

Well tonight hes been gone
he went to the movie that I'm dieing to see
and then he's at No Way Out
I still haven't seen a pay-per-view one yet.
this just sucks.
but I've been cleaning my room[ish] for the night
it was clean yesterday but not my closet.
and I'm cleaning my bathroom too.
i really cant wait for my brother and sister to move out
so i wont have to deal with their crap anymore =]

But dang,
i really can't get yesterday out of my head
it's gonna sound really creepy.
but all i did while i wasn't talking to you
i just laid in my bed.
in the same spot you were laying.
its creepy.
but it makes me feel "closer" to you. =]
ha ha

My Everything <3

Won't Go Home Without You <3

And when I said this day was going to be perfect. I wasn't kidding. This was the best night of my life, and I'm so glad it was with you and not some other guy.

I made a beautiful dinner for us and my family;

• Crispy chicken
• Mashed potatoes
  
• Corn
• Carrots
• Gravy
• [and for dessert we made Malts]
  

We played cards with my parents;
THEY BEAT US TERRIBLY

We rented movies;

• 1408
• Becoming Jane

We went for a walk;
Such a beautiful night to go with a beautiful talk.

And toped the night off with great short sex.
[ =0 ] [7]

My night was just perfect <3

you're my one and only baba <3

One Boy, One Girl <3

Today's another hell. Nothing went wrong, but it's just that feeling that it's gonna SUCK. I really don't want it to. I would LOVE to have a day that wouldn't suck so much. I'm suppose to get blond in my hair. But all my sister did was striped my bangs, put blond around my face. And ONE chunk of blond in the back of my head! I'm so pissed at her for this. She knows that I want to be blond again. But she refuses to turn me back. I'm so tempted to go to a salon and get it done by someone that will listen to what I want, and not do what they want instead. I HATE that she does what she wants. She's going to fail as a cosmetologist if she keeps doing what she does. You can tell her what you want, but she does what she wants you to look like. She wont last long that way. And when you tell her you don't like something she gets PISSED like that's going to make you a great hair stylist! ugh she just pisses me off so much.

You know what else pisses me off? Is when your parents want to know everything about your life. But you really don't want to tell them. So then you say nothing. And the funny thing is, THEY get pissed at you. Like WTF! man. I don't want to tell you, because theres just somethings in my life that I don't want you to know about. Just deal with it.

But things are hopefully going to clear up with me and Timmy soon. I really just want to go back to where we DIDN'T fight, or didn't get mad at each other. Or when I wasn't so worried about other girls around him. I just want to get past all of this. He IS my EVERYTHING.

And I know you're probably reading this baba. And I just wanted to let you know, that whatever I say to you over this, I don't mean for it to have us fight. It's just so I can get things off of my chest, because it builds up and I can't take it all the time. I just want you let you know that YOU are my everything. And you will NEVER mean anything less to me.

I Love You Timothy Steven Sepanik <3

Truly Madly Deeply <3

Do you know how hard it is to go to school on Valentines Day? It really fucking hurts to go through Valentines Day without seeing your valentine. Walking through the halls and you see the guys giving the girls teddy bears, stuffed dogs, flowers, candy, chocolate, balloons. And to get tricked like i was just makes my whole day even worse. In my fourth hour i had a "mental break down". i cried so hard in that class. Just because i wanted to be with my valentine. this day is the worse day of my life so far. its so painful to walk through the halls knowing everyone is happy but not you. even my best friends weren't with their boyfriends and they were happier than me. i don't understand this. I should of been happy today. I'm seeing my valentine on Saturday. Saturday's gonna be perfect. [At least i hope it will be]. To top everything off. I wasn't able to see Timmy after school, and i had to go to Dutch Dance partner less. I just want this day to be over with as soon as it came.
WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS DAY ANYWAYS?!?!


Do you know that when i tell you, you can do something [like drink] i really don't want you to. We made promises love. And you broke it. =[. yes i did tell you that you could go drink with your brother and Chris. but really i didn't want you to. i wasn't going to flat out say that i didn't want you to. i wanted you not to on your own. but i guess that was a bust. you know how i feel about drinkers. you know that i got badly hurt by drinkers. i would never do anything to hurt you. so please don't hurt me. If you told me i could go smoke with my friends or sister. i wouldn't because i know how much you hate smoking. i respect that. and i wouldn't want for you to be upset with me. you could tell me i could smoke all i want and i wouldn't pick up a cig. or a bowl. never again would i. Because i love you.

You know i come with drama. so this shouldn't be a surprise to you.

More Than A Memory

Talking About My Feelings

You know, I don't understand how you expect me to talk about my feelings when you can't talk about yours. If you had feelings to talk about it would be easier for me to tell you what I'm feeling. You show happiness and love. But nothing else. When I show sadness, you have to know what's wrong. But you don't show that so when I tell you how I'm feeling I feel like you wont understand because you seem to not have those emotions. You said during Christmas that you would try to show more emotion. But honestly I don't think you're trying to much. All I want is for us to have a HEALTHY relationship. And talking is part of a healthy relationship, but we don't really talk about the important stuff that much mostly because it's only me talking about it.

Arguing

We argue way to much. I don't understand why we are, but it's happening. It's mostly my fault that we are, but you don't even argue back. It makes me feel like a terrible person. I'm just there practically spilling my guts out to you, and you just sit there and don't say anything back. I know you love me, and I know that's why you probably don't want to yell at me. But this goes back to a healthy relationship, you need to argue sometimes to make things right. I don't want to argue with you all the time, but when we do I want you to be able to tell me what you're thinking and being able to argue back with me. That way I know that you're listening and that you care.

Our Life

When we talk, I feel as if we're complete strangers. With you working late almost every night now, and my dutch dance and school. It just feels like we're getting farther and farther apart from each other. It's breaking my heart because I can't talk to you as easily anymore. We're not the same as we use to be. When we see each other, it's like nothings wrong, but when we aren't its almost as if we're strangers. I hate this feeling that we're becoming distant. I love you, but can we please go back to our old selves.

Young and In Love <3

Life has been crazy difficult, i have no idea what went wrong but school just got a lot harder. i have a D+ in my Spanish. for turning in a paper that was wrong. Geometry just plain out sucks. i have no idea how I'm doing in Chemistry. but i bet its not that good. the only classes that i know I'm passing are Child Development and stupid Personal Computers. I don't do my homework like i use to for some reason. i do a half fast job on all my projects which is terrible. I haven't even been reading which is terrible. i finished my list and that was the end of my reading. and i really love to read.

I have no job and i need one real bad. I'm almost in debt [AND I DON'T HAVE TO PAY ANY BILLS!!!] [what the fuck is up with that?] but i need a job real soon so i can get to work on that stupid present that i might as well not even do anymore since Timmy told me that he might not go to college this year.

Which that pissed me off so much. i could understand if it was just he doesn't think he would pass. i could completely understand that. but i just have a bad feeling that he might not want to go right now because of me. he says its not but theres still that little feeling that it might be because of me.

My family just seems to be so fucked right now. With my mom working crazy hours from 1 am to 3 or sometimes 4 pm. and then sleeping all day. and my dad working his regular hours but is still a dick because he says hes tired and needs his rest so he can't pick up his figure around the house. so that leaves me with the cleaning because my brother, sister, and roommate are all over 21 so i guess that means they don't have to clean. which is bull shit. just cause I'm the youngest i have to do all the work around the house. but yet even with the house being so clean i get yelled at for not cleaning it enough. What The Fuck!. and it makes everything even better that my brothers moving and so are my sister and roommate all on April 1st. so that means that i have to clean more and more! FUCK!

To top everything all off. me and Timmy have been fighting a lot lately. which makes me really bummed and want to stick my have in the garbage disposal and turn it on. [yeah i know harsh.] but the worse thing is that he doesn't argue back so its just me letting out all of my feelings that i feel like an ass after i get off the phone because he just sat there and took it all and apologized. [hence the reason i want to kill my hand.] and then he tells me that when we start to argue i tell him that nothings wrong and thats not good. yeah i know its not good but i can't stand talking about my feelings when he cant talk about his with me. i just want him to have some kind of feelings so when we do start to argue it will a lot easier for us to talk things out if he can tell me what hes feeling.